Sid's N T I N S Locker
Little Red gets a souvenir from a can of whoop ass
by Sid Harrison
Lemmee tell ya about the youngest (Little Red) of two brothers we had on my boat and how a can of whoop ass got him a lifelong souvenir.

It was back in the '60s and our boat was in Rota when a birdfarm tied up - SARATOGA maybe. Been awhile but I'm sure it's name started with an "S". So naturally come evening and liberty what do the boat sailors do. Yup. Took on the liberty section of the damn carrier.

The youngest of the two brothers (both were small wiry little redheads from Texas) was doing pretty well until one of those airdales latched onto his right ear like a snappin' turtle. For awhile we thought we'd have to wait until it thundered before he let go.

Well somehow the airdale got unhooked from Red and needless to say there was hell to pay all around when the SPs got it sorted out. Plus Red was missing the entire top of his ear and the rest was just sorta dangling there. The doc on the carrier managed to get what remained stuck back on the side of Red's gourd but that half-moon shaped missing chunk presented a problem beyond his skills. So they flew Little Red somewhere up in Europe (probably Germany) and had an expert fix him up with a chunk carved from his ass.

The surgery took alright and the shape was more-or-less OK but Red now sported a two-tone ear with a lot of hair that grew out of the patch and required constant trimming. He also took endless ribbing about having a piece of ass in his ear. With additional smartalecky comments as patrols dragged on about how appealing Red's ear was becoming to his mates. But that was an internal boat matter anyhow... and besides, what Red chose to do with his ear was his business.

However, being good shipmates, and as we didn't want him to have a repeat performance, we always made sure to get him out of harm's way if any outsider on the beach took an uncommon interest in Little Red's ear. He had a short temper and didn't always consider the possibility of a bad outcome. Besides he was running a little short on ears and probably butt too - being a slightly built fellow and all.

Anyway, I expect that somewhere down in Texas right now there's a little old red headed man whose grandkids wonder what the hell happened to granddads right ear.

I'd like to hear that story.